Did Joan Miro make your music video?

Usually when I hear a song I like on the radio I try and find it on Youtube and listen there first before I buy it . I feel like Steve Jobs already has enough money and I want to make sure my $0.99 goes to a song I’m going to wear out over several years versus a week. Now I know you’re thinking something along the lines of, “Wow, Kelsey, you sure have thought this through, how thrifty of you!” I’ve found this technique is not only budget-conscious, but also introduces me to some lovely trippy music videos and subsequent nightmares. I wonder if some of these directors got ideas for their videos from the Joan Miro museum because theses videos are OUT THERE. Moment of Silence for the following trip-tastic videos:

1. “White Winter Hymnal” by Fleet Foxes: Personally, I don’t think claymation is ever a good idea. Shows like Gumby and Davey and Goliath were frankly frightening and I’m not sure how they ever got classified as “kids shows.” Seriously, who thought a clay donkey and talking green bean would make the foundation for a successful show to teach children morals? I’m guessing the Fleet Foxes have a different take on the wonders of claymation because they produced the following disturbing video with claymation characters that AGE. The song is great, but the morbid lyrics plus dying claymation characters just gives me the willies.

2. “Daniel” by Bat for Lashes: I enjoy some Bat for Lashes now and then, but I have to say that although they’re a talented band musically, the videos are ridiculous. The video for Prescilla included a couch that eats children and the video for Daniel was just about as disturbing. What’s with all the creepy balloon people? This video makes me think twice about driving alone at night. (Please click on the word “Daniel,” I wasn’t able to imbed this video)

3. “Just Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Buble. I’m not normally a pop music person, but I’ll admit Michael Buble makes me a little weak in the knees. Mostly because he seems so optimistic and his last name is fun to say. However, this video was not amusing, but rather seizure-inducing. What’s with the rapid changes in camera shots? This isn’t MTV, Mr. Buble. You’re overdoing it. But props to you, Buble, This video did give me hope that one day, I too can spoon with my significant other in a grocery store.

Donner, party of two

Last week my mom and I took a mini-vacation to Shenandoah National Park to enjoy the fall colors and spend some time hiking. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and I thought I would share a few nuggets of knowledge with anyone planning a fall adventure into the woods.

Photo by Kelsey Kusterer.

1. Prep for your possible demise: One thing we found out quickly was that black bears do exist! We quizzed the park ranger at the front gate on the likelihood we might meet a bear during our excursion and found out about this cute greeting bears sometimes do. When a mother bear feels her cubs are threatened, she often says a friendly hello to unsuspecting hikers with something called a “bluff charge.” Momma bear will run within 10 feet of said hiker. So, if you don’t die of a myocardial infarction, park officials suggest lifting your pack over your head and trying to look big. Yelling at the bear is also encouraged. My mom and I practiced our own variation which involved lifting our walking sticks to our chests and yelling “Yo Bear!” Luckily, the only bear we saw was from the car.

2. Choose reading materials wisely: So I packed a few books I thought would be helpful. One was titled something like The Ultimate Hiking Guide for Ballsey Babes which was actually helpful as it suggested what to eat and how to breath correctly (yeah breathing right actually makes a difference) while you’re hiking. A book I brought that was excellent, but I wouldn’t recommend reading while in the woods is The Last Season by Eric Blehm. It’s about a backcountry ranger that goes missing in the Sierra Nevada. Though quite informative, I must admit it freaked me out a bit to be reading it while in a national park.

3. BYOT: Bring Your Own Technology! This tip is motivated by the following conversation:

Mom: You’re bringing your cell, right? So I don’t need to bring mine?

Me: What if I get mauled by a bear? How are you going to call someone for help?

Mom: Good point. I’ll pack mine.

4. Frequent the rest stops: We found out that the rest stop at the Virginia border not only has free maps, brochures on wineries and automated hand soap dispensers, but they also have free peanuts! I suppose free peanuts are lame on airplanes, but it’s nice to get a freebie when all you were hoping for was a clean toilet.

5. Talk to the locals: So while I was busy swearing at the GPS unit while looking for a barbeque restaurant that apparently doesn’t exist, my mom had the bright idea to ask a local where’s the best place to get lunch in Charlottesville. He directed us to a local place where they make giant $2.85 burgers with the works. It made for a great lunch coming out of the park and if you’re one of those “I only eat local” hipsters, I recommend talking to the natives when you’re at a loss for food or directions.

So go have some fun in the outdoors this fall and I hope for your sake you don’t meet any mama bears.

Ducking the Starbucks Gauntlet

In an ideal world, my Sunday afternoon would have proceeded something like this:

Mother: Does anyone care to embark on a short excursion to Starbucks to sample the  free instant coffee?

Kelsey: Lovely idea, Mother!

Father: Yes, quite! Shall I start the car?

Mother: Good show! I’ll go fetch your riding gloves and then we shall be off!

The threesome selects one out of 12 Starbucks locations within a 10 mile radius of their home and heads off for their adventure. After a short drive in their Ford Deluxe two-door Coupe along scenic tree-lined country roads, the Kusterer family arrives at Starbucks and is warmly greeted by four daper-looking baristas in crisp, green aprons. The Kusterer’s sit outside and sip pipping hot (and free!) coffee beneath the shade of a Bradford Pear tree and give a collective sigh of contentment.

OK, so in an ideal world my family would share quaint British colloquialisms and Starbucks baristas would be contented workers. The following is what really happened.

Mom: Wanna get a free coffee at Starbucks?

Dad: Sure.

Kelsey: OK.

Dad: Should I drive?

Mom: No, I’m driving my car.

The Kusterers head down a busy highway, and pull into the nearest Starbucks. They approach the counter, excited to take the Starbucks challenge!

Dad: We’d like to take the challenge!

Disgruntled Barista (DB): The what?

Dad: The Starbucks challenge…to taste a free sample of the new instant coffee.

DB: Oh. That was more for the morning. We had a big rush then. We’ve run out of coffee. But it’ll take me a few minutes to prepare it.

Kusterers: uhhh, ok.

We sat down and began to ponder the conundrum presented by the DB. First we wondered–how could they run out of coffee? There’s an entire display of instant coffee by the counter. And second–how come instant coffee comes with a lot of preparation time? Isn’t it, well, instant? Can’t you just give us hot water and a coffee packet? Anyone? Bueller?

10-15 minutes later…

Dad: What happened to our coffee?

DB: If you haven’t noticed, we’ve had a long line of customers.

Dad: So, are you saying that I’m not an important customer?

Long story short, after several minutes of deliberating and a cocked eyebrow from my dad, we got our free coffees. Which actually tasted pretty good, but unfortunately had the bitter aftertaste of a run-in with the “well-oiled” java machine that is Starbucks.